It Was Only a Lot Illegal

So one of my very first posts was about losing my virginity. At the very end of it, I said I ended it because I met an older guy. This is that story.

So, about a month before i lost ‘it’ i was at work waiting for my mom to come pick me up. I was a grocery store clerk- so fucking glamorous. Anyways, she pulls up and informs me that we are going to go to dinner at her favorite restaurant, which is like four blocks away. I really did not want to go. I as wearing black slacks, a white button up, these horrible non slip shoes, and an apron. Shoot me.

To make it worse she says the bartender is super hot.


So we arrive, and i see him. Mr.K.

Holy-fucking-shit-on-a-stick. He was drop dead gorgeous. Sandy blonde surfer hair, and blue eyes that looked into my soul and made my heart pause a little.

I run to the bathroom, take the apron off, and unbutton my shirt a little bit.

At the end of his shift, my mom who is now completely hammered is wandering around, and he comes down and sits across from me. I thought he had me confused with someone else.

We chatted for like an hour, and at the very end my mom lets slip my age.

“I can’t believe im going to be 50! I was 34 when i had this ball of fire!” and pointed at me.

I could see him do the math in his head, then a really confused expression crossed his face.

I then decided to take my mom home, and he walked me to the car and i drove off, with him completely taking over my thoughts.

So a little while later i lost my V-card.

But after all that, i realized i still had more feelings for Mr.K than for Mr. Captain of the cross country team.

So one night, when we went back, we were talking, then he dropped the girlfriend bomb. He apparently met her at a wedding a couple days after we met. Fucking bitch. Shes the goddamned twin sister of a kind of well known actor. Like what the fuck?!

So im totally destroyed.

But a couple weeks later,me and my mom go in for lunch and i decide to grow a huge pair of balls, and forsake his monogamy, and put my number on the back of a napkin at the bar and slip it to him.

He texts me like two hours later. So were flirting and what have you’s, and make plans to see each other the next morning.

I end up going to this college party and try Ecstasy for the first time (fucking crazy) and the next day i get a text at like 6 am, and hes telling me to get my ass over.

So i show up, and he opened the door in his underwear, and im pretty sure i drooled a little. But like in a super sexy way.

We ended up, for a lack of eloquence, banging. Hard. It was awesome.

And this happened a couple more times over about 4 months. It ended when his girlfriend moved in.

It sucked not sleeping with him anymore, but like a year after we met, i went to a bar and ran into him and his girlfriend, and me and him decided to play the ‘we dont know each other game.’ And me and his girlfriend actually became like good bar friends, which probably made him wet his pants a little.

But super super funny ending to this, i ended up meeting his older brother, who he had never even mentioned mind you, and we became really good friends. And if you read like two or three posts ago about a guy picking a crazy one, thats his older brother. It was weird falling for brothers.

But i do know, if i could go back in time, and pick a brother, i would choose Mr.S every time.

But Mr.K was fun while he lasted. It just sucked that it was pretty illegal.


It was on a boat, so i guess you can say i’m pretty fancy

Butterflies in your stomach, looking into the eyes of the one you love (i mean your only in high school, but he was the one and you just knew it). Walking down the halls, holding hands, and picturing yourself with them for the rest of your lives. Do you remember those feelings with the person you lost it too?

I sure don’t. He was a perfectly acceptable man. Came from a good family. Had money. Captain of the cross country team. Attractive (if not a little short). Nice.

But to be honest it wasn’t love- and that’s okay with me looking back on it.

We went walking on the beach, jumping between the rocks- laughing like an idiot. We walk back to the docs, and he shows me the sail boat his parents got him for Christmas a few years before (see, parents had money). I feel like its so romantic, because i’m no fool and i know whats going to happen.

He looks at me with (what i assume he was going for) eyes filled with heat and passion, and pulls my dress up over my head.

Thank God i shaved.

He throws me down onto the weird sofa thing the boat has in its main hold, and then asks me the sexiest thing- “Are you sure?” I swooned at the end of that sentence. Jk. Have some confidence man.

I nodded and he pulled out a condom, and pulled his pants down.

Thats when i saw IT. The strangest thing popped in my head- i wanted to touch it.

See, i had never seen a dick before, let alone touch one. But the condom was on fast and he leaned down over me and asked me again if i was sure. I nodded again and waited patiently as he got his shit together.

Thats when it happened!

It didn’t hurt that much (thank you 2 awkward years of using tampons), and i didn’t bleed. We stayed in the same position- but at the time i thought it was phenomenal! I had never felt anything like that! In all my 16 years of life up to that point- i had never felt anything like that. It was different, and weird, and awkward. And i loved it.

It only lasted a couple minutes, and my bra never came off, and the idea of foreplay never crossed his mind. But for a first time it was pretty great. He even took me for food after- granted it was a burger joint, but i mean its the thought that counts right?

this glorious love affair lasted a whole 2… weeks, then i ended it because i fell in love (i thought) with a 24 year old bartender.

My life was a mess… Fun… but messy none the least.