I guess i can’t have guy friends

So i recently started working as a server at this local diner here in town. Its pretty much a gathering place for Mormons and old people. I get tipped shit and my boss (who is Mormon) has the weirdest fucking rules. But the day that i started, so did W. Me and him became super fast friends, primarily by talking shit to each other. It’s the greatest friendship ever. Then i found myself becoming attracted to him. Like i hate to say ‘crush’ but holy shit do i have a crush on this man. He’s my best friend, and he also has a girlfriend. So im here trying hold myself back, because i dream about this guy all the time.

Im also friends, now, with his girlfriend, and im soooo not about the be that bitch to get in the way of that. I think im better than that.

Theeen, on the other hand, my old boyfriend from way back when, and i, have been talking, and i have so much feeling for this man, we’ve been through a lot, and he’s always been there for me. He wants to get back together when i move back to Cali, which would be AWESOME, but theres a problem.

I know i want to get married, and have kids one day. But he doesn’t. Its just not his thing. And im sitting here debating whether its worth it or not. To go into a relationship that you know wont get to the place you want it, but still be in a good place. Or try to find someone else who wants the same things. But i do really care about him. Gah, its all just so confusing. I wish someone would just tell me what the fuck to do.

I hate being an adult.

I need a drink.


So You’re Not Dead Afterall

A couple days ago i put up a post about the guy im seeing, and how he is just a flaky little bastard.

Anywhoozers, I finally heard from him this morning. Praise the almighty he is alive. No horrible accident has befallen him, he lives on another day.

He had been working a lot apparently- Good for him. Because any working man can’t carve out an hour for sex. No wonder married people don’t sleep together, if this is any indication.

He promised to come over this afternoon, bringing my highly expensive jacket with him. Happy, i did all the feminine preparations. Shaving, washing my hair, all that nonsense i wouldn’t deal with if i was celibate (which is never going to happen).

Also, my sleeping schedule is totally backwards. I go to bed around 3pm and wake up between 9pm and midnight. Just call me a vampire (like, seriously, please call me a vampire).

So around 3pm my eyes are getting heavy, and i hadn’t heard another word about when he would be showing up. So i fell asleep, and woke up around 11:30. There were no texts, so i figured he just wasn’t going to show.

I go to the local bar for some water, since im trying to drop a few El-Bees (pounds). I stay about 10 minutes before shooting my head seems more enjoyable than making small chat with the other 5 patrons.

I go to see my friend who works at the gas station near both Mr.M and I’s houses.

As im leaving, im rounding the block to turn to go down the road, and who other than Mr.M himself comes riding his bike.

I stop him and just give him a stare that says, ‘Go fuck yourself.’

He offers up the explanation that it was his friends birthday so he wasn’t able to come by today, then he asks me to wait there and goes back to his house to get the jacket. Mind you its like 36 degrees outside, and im fucking freezing.

But i wait, and he returns with my jacket, and he make our ‘see ya laters’ and im struck with the thought that if we stopped seeing each other i wouldn’t completely mind. Though our intimate relations are completely amazing and out of this world, im not sure this annoyance is worth it.

I demand a certain amount of respect from those i am intimate with, and though typically he shows that to me, i don’t think i can admire his complete disregard for manners and punctuality.

So i wonder how this story will end.

My Boobs Keep Calling the Police

About a week and a half ago i got a call while i was out at a bar with some friends and i got a call from some random number. It was the police. Now mind you i am heavily intoxicated.

“Uh, hello?”

“Yes mam, this is the police. We received a call from someone at this number. Is everything okay?”

“Oh. Yea. Im fine. Sorry!”

They then took my information and i was definitely beyond confused.

Then tonight, there’s a voice coming from my boob! “HELLO! HELLO MAM?”

And again the same process.

Its like my boobs think im in danger or something. This time the police showed up just to make sure i was okay.

Now it’s not like i dont like the cops, but they definitely kinda freak me out.

I just wish my boobs could trust me more. I mean calling the police on me? I need to have a talk with the girls.

So are you dead or just an asshole

One of the biggest pet peeves that I have, and will definitely always have are flaky little bitches. The whole, “I’ll be there in an hour!” and then they just don’t show up. And whether it’s a friend or a lover it makes me want to lightly punch them in the face with a car. Like this is the age of technology people! It literally takes 10 seconds to send a text saying, “Hey can’t make it. Rain-check. ttyl.” DONE. What really Grinds My Gears as Peter Griffin would say, is when you don’t even take the time to inform me plans change.

So i am currently going through this right now. And if I wasn’t so terrible at talking to people about how I feel I would totally talk to my lover about all of this. And this is what I would say… if I had some balls. Oh, and he still has my 5 thousand dollar jacket at his house… fucking dick face.

“Hey buddy, I really do like your penis and all its glory, but hey grow a bigger pair of balls and when you want to cancel, just, oh I don’t know.. Tell me maybe? And if that doesn’t float your boat, then I don’t want to rock your ocean anymore, because I kind of want to punch you in the face… you literally live 3 blocks away… so just come over, AND DON’T FORGET THE JACKET, and lets break my bed.”

I mean I feel like that’s about as romantic/straightforward as I know how to be. But me being awkward I don’t quite know how to be as honest as I would like sometimes. I mean yea i’m a direct person.. and if he straight up asked me if I minded him being a little flaky bastard, I would tell him the truth. But bringing it up on my own? Jesus Christ I might as well just tell him I love him… Well in my head that’s its equivalent.

I mean, if I don’t hear from someone I see on a regular basis, for over a week, I assume you have died in a horrible death, and it hasn’t made it to the news yet because no one could ID you. That’s where my head goes… I also happen to know it’s not true in this case because my friends saw him yesterday.

So M, I ask you… Are you dead or just an asshole?