Butterflies in your stomach, looking into the eyes of the one you love (i mean your only in high school, but he was the one and you just knew it). Walking down the halls, holding hands, and picturing yourself with them for the rest of your lives. Do you remember those feelings with the person you lost it too?
I sure don’t. He was a perfectly acceptable man. Came from a good family. Had money. Captain of the cross country team. Attractive (if not a little short). Nice.
But to be honest it wasn’t love- and that’s okay with me looking back on it.
We went walking on the beach, jumping between the rocks- laughing like an idiot. We walk back to the docs, and he shows me the sail boat his parents got him for Christmas a few years before (see, parents had money). I feel like its so romantic, because i’m no fool and i know whats going to happen.
He looks at me with (what i assume he was going for) eyes filled with heat and passion, and pulls my dress up over my head.
Thank God i shaved.
He throws me down onto the weird sofa thing the boat has in its main hold, and then asks me the sexiest thing- “Are you sure?” I swooned at the end of that sentence. Jk. Have some confidence man.
I nodded and he pulled out a condom, and pulled his pants down.
Thats when i saw IT. The strangest thing popped in my head- i wanted to touch it.
See, i had never seen a dick before, let alone touch one. But the condom was on fast and he leaned down over me and asked me again if i was sure. I nodded again and waited patiently as he got his shit together.
Thats when it happened!
It didn’t hurt that much (thank you 2 awkward years of using tampons), and i didn’t bleed. We stayed in the same position- but at the time i thought it was phenomenal! I had never felt anything like that! In all my 16 years of life up to that point- i had never felt anything like that. It was different, and weird, and awkward. And i loved it.
It only lasted a couple minutes, and my bra never came off, and the idea of foreplay never crossed his mind. But for a first time it was pretty great. He even took me for food after- granted it was a burger joint, but i mean its the thought that counts right?
this glorious love affair lasted a whole 2… weeks, then i ended it because i fell in love (i thought) with a 24 year old bartender.
My life was a mess… Fun… but messy none the least.